What You Need
by Moon-Goddessxx
Summary: KelNeal oneshot set during Squire. Cleon isn't around much, but maybe he isn't right for her afterall. Maybe Neal might just be the one to show her what and who she needs.


**A/N: Just a random KelNeal I wrote. Takes place during Squire.**

 **Reread it after I posted it and as always decided that some editing was needed and it's been adjusted ever so slightly.**

 **Disclaimer: Not TP. Not even close.**

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Kel stared at her best friend. She could not believe the words that had just come out of his mouth. He had that stubborn look on his face that told her he really did mean what he had just said. She just could not believe the words themselves. Or the implications of them.

"I'm sorry… I don't understand your meaning Neal." She did understand. Well, she thought she did. She just couldn't believe this was happening now. She was with Cleon! As much as they tried to keep it to themselves, her friends definitely knew this. Neal especially. Where had this come from?

Neal's fingers ran through his hair just as they always did when he was nervous. It self-same nervous tick that had always made her want to run her own fingers through his hair when they were pages. Back then she would have loved to hear him say anything that meant he felt the same.

" _Cleon isn't treating you right. You need a man who is going to show you that it is okay to be a woman. What it is to be a woman. To love you like you deserve and not hold you back from your destiny. I could be that man, Kel."_

Did those words mean that he loved her?

Or did they just mean he wanted her in his bed?

"How long have you been with him now Kel? Nearly two years as sweethearts? He has made it known to us that he wants to marry you, but he has a betrothed. Did he even ask you if that was you wanted?"

Neal did have a point, she had to admit. They had both known when they started this that he had a rich heiress at home that he had been betrothed to since they were children. She had known marriage was not part of the deal. They had known that their relationship had no real future. Cleon's hope that they might marry prevented them from any physical consummation of their relationship. He was so determined for a noble marriage. Did she deserve more than that? Did she deserve to have someone who would love her body as well as her soul if that is what she wanted? Someone who asked her what she wanted when making decisions that involved her?

"Neal, I'm with Cleon. You know that. I don't understand why you're coming to me with this now."

Kel sighed and rubbed her temples. "Please, Neal. Can you just leave? We can forget that we ever had this discussion."

The stubborn and determined look did not leave her best friends face and although Kel knew that this conversation would not ruin her friendship with him she was not at all sure that any feelings he harboured for her would be easily forgotten. As hard as it was to admit, she also knew that the feelings she once had for her best friend were only buried, not gone.

"I'll go Kel. It's your choice at the end of the day. But you know where to find me, for whatever it is you need. If you need someone to love all of you unconditionally or just someone to love you for a night or just a best friend. I will be whatever it is you need me to be. I always will."

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 **Six months later**

Kel came to stand by the door at the start of the hallway. Neal's room was at the start of the squire's wing, closest to the stairs, _for an easy exit_ she thought to herself, shaking her head. Neal was always so dramatic. She was putting it off. Trying not to think about why she had come here in the first place.

The Own had ridden into Corus in the early hours of the morning from what was ultimately a two month return journey from the desert. Stopping where ever possible on the way back, finding as many people that needed assistance as they could. Since the last round of Ordeals she had not heard from her sweetheart, Cleon, once. She knew letters were not easy nor quick to get to and from the Eastern border. It had been so long.

Before she could change her mind again she knocked on the door quietly. Part of her hoping that he wouldn't hear and not answer. Since midwinter many people had left the palace. Nobles were returning to their estates after the Progress, there were not many squires left in the squires wing and those that were would be leaving soon as many knights left for their assigned border patrols due to the rising tensions with Scanra. Kel and the Own would be heading to the Northern one themselves soon, she was sure.

Kel could hear a crashing sound followed by swearing coming from Neal's room and finally the door opened to reveal a rather dishevelled Neal.

"Kel? When did you lot get back?"

Kel clasped her hand tightly behind her back where Neal was unable to see them. "Early hours of the morning of course. M'lord couldn't put it off much longer."

"Ah, he did manage to make a two week trek into two months though. Bet the king isn't happy."

"Probably not. He never is these days. We've been ordered to remain here until further notice."

"I'm sure that won't last long. Now, if I may inquire as to what it is that brings you to my door so late of an evening my dear Keladry since it is not to tell me you just arrived as you did that about 12 hours ago. Not that I don't enjoy your delightful presence of course, especially compared to my rather ferocious knight-mistress' company. But I believe I am right in assuming there was a purpose?"

Kel tried not to show that she was nervous. Maybe this was a bad idea. Perhaps she had misread what he had told her all of those months ago. Maybe his feelings on the matter had changed. Maybe he did not want to get involved with someone who already had a sweetheart. Why was she really here? She had a sweetheart. He was up north defending the realms border. Why was she standing in Neal's doorway right now?

Neal raised an eyebrow wondering what on earth was going through that pretty little head of Kel's. He could practically see the thoughts ticking over through her mind.

"Never mind. It really wasn't that important anyway. I'll see you tomorrow at breakfast or lunch. Bye!"

Kel made to turn around and walk away but Neal reached out to grab her hand. "What's wrong Kel?"

"Did you mean what you said? In my tent on progress?"

"About what?"

"That you would always be there and be whatever it was I needed you to be?"

"I did. With my whole heart." _Shit_ , Kel thought. He meant it. She could see in his eyes at that moment a spark of something a little more than friendship. A spark of hope.

Kel walked into his room and leant against the desk. After a moment's consideration Neal closed the door and came to stand in front of her, arms folded. Kel proceeded to fiddle with the many books strewn across the desk. Once the words started to come out of her mouth, she found she could not stop them. Maybe she didn't want to. Neal had always understood her thought processes.

"I don't know if I can be yours. But I think I do need someone to do all those things for me. To show me I'm still a woman even though I spend my days traversing the countryside with a bunch of men who can't forget I'm a woman but treat me as one of the men. I forget sometimes. And Cleon's away at the border but he's so determined to make sure I remain relatively untouched and fit for a noble marriage. That's not what I want. I never wanted a noble marriage, I wanted to win my shield and I'm so close to it. I don't want a man to come along and try to take that away from me because it's a part of me and always will be."

Neal nodded understandingly. "Of course it's part of you, Kel. We all know it is. If a man loves you and wants you enough he's just going to have to accept that."

Kel didn't know how she found the courage to ask, "Do you want me?"

A guarded look passed over his face and he sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. "If I said I do? Hypothetically."

"I'm still with Cleon. Technically. I don't believe it's something I can end without seeing him. It wouldn't be right. I don't I love him anymore, if I ever did. I definitely didn't love him the way he wants me to."

Neal raised his eyebrows,"So why are you here?"Kel realised that the boldness she felt before was actually pretty fleeting and she struggled to get her words out, "I need… something."

Kel didn't think it was possible for his eyebrows to go any higher but they managed to, "Is that something me?"

 _Don't stutter Kel, don't stutter._ "Yes. I think." Okay, so she managed not to stutter but even she knew her answers had gotten shorter and less to the point.

Neal's final question was one she was kind of expecting, "In what capacity?"

"I don't really know." All she knew was that she needed _something_. She needed something from him to help her feel right again. To help her feel normal. Normal Kel or normal 17-year old, was debatable.

He sighed again, seemingly thinking through all of the possibilities and inclinations of what she had said. After a moment of silence he finally replied, "I told you once, that I would be whatever it was you wanted or needed me to be."

"You did." Wasn't that why she was here in the first place?

"I guess this is what you need me to be at the moment then." At least Neal had some notion of what she needed, because Kel had no idea.

"I can't make any promises for the future, Neal."

He gave her a crooked smile, so like his cousins.

"I understand that Kel. I would never try to hold you back, I saw you fight to get this far."

"I know."

The strange look was back in his eyes again. The look he had given her that night six months ago. Seeming to make a decision, in one swift movement he was pushing her against the desk and crushing his lips to hers. His hands moved to her back, holding her as close as he could. It would never be close enough though. When he felt her respond with just as much pent up desire he moved to lift her onto the desk and felt her legs close around his waist trying to eliminate any remaining distance between their bodies. He responded by slipping his hands up under her shirt feeling the soft skin hidden beneath.

Perhaps she would not always be his.

Perhaps tomorrow she would go back to loving Cleon.

Perhaps this was just one night.

He hoped there would be more, but just in case he resolved to make her feel as wanted and as loved as she deserved to be.

Perhaps, tomorrow she would be his best friend again.

But tonight, she was his soul-mate, his lover, his love.

Tonight, she was his.

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 **A/N: Read, Review - let me know what you think. Or don't. That's cool too. Writings fun and hey, if I write it someone may as well read it. For anyone whose read my stories before I'm sorry I've been busy and lost a bit of motivation for writing, it comes and goes really. But rest assured A Rare Gift and Keladry, Lady Knight have not been abandoned I've just hit a major writers block with them. Although I have been working on some oneshots and drabbles on and off so more of my writing may be coming.**


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